Friday, September 15, 2006

Back to your original program.. already in progress

Hmmm.... sometimes I feel like my life is in neutral. I'm waiting for something to happen. I have some plans ahead but I'm not there yet. I'm still here. Waiting. And I don't really do waiting well. I find it somewhat boring and distressing. And yet it is where I am at this time. There are lots of things I *could* do. But they aren't what I'm doing. Which is not much. Lacking routine and schedule I find it very easy to allow the days to slip by. This is unfortunate because I almost want to do something about it. But not enough to do something. But it's building to a head. I can only stand so much of it. It wasn't sposed to be this way. Some plans fell through, some were delayed. And I know my mom likes having me hang around here and help out. But it's weird coming home without purpose. Sometimes it feels like a regression. And I feel like I'm a teenager at home again. Sitting in front of the computer and watching TV. What happened to the me from only a month ago? The guy who liked to hike? Or a year ago? Instead I've morphed into couch potato again. Well... I guess there's something here for me to deal with and look at. At least yesterday I managed to bust out of the mold and go for a walk. And the day before I had a great conversation with a guy I'd just met. So good things are happening.. to break up the monotony.

Yesterday I hiked up to the radio tower up behind our old house, and I walked down below in the new construction site in front of our old house. It rained, which was very nice cause it's been awhile. All in all I walked/hiked for a little under 2 hours. And I enjoyed it. I like doing things like that. I find the consistent part difficult. I found a pocket knife around the house to take with me in case I ran into a cougar. I didn't. But I did see some buzzards circling high over head where I was going.. and then found copious piles of bear crap on the path (8-9 piles.. old). I saw a snake. It made me jump only a little. I passed some elk scat.. apparently they're using our old toboggan hill to walk up.

I guess really I'm just struggling with a bit of depression and being all by myself after being surrounded by a community of friends. So I need to move my butt and take that bull be the horns.. so I'm going to go walk down by the beach... cause I like that.

Later gators!

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